As the summer comes to an end...

It's been two years since I began the journey of higher education at Simpson University. The Lord has done so much in my life through my time there. I've been so blessed to go there and share life with the amazing people God has allowed me to befriend.
One thing I have been learning slowly this past year is the meaning of living in community.
And so, from a very guarded heart, here is a little show of vulnerability.
I tend to be a private person. I think in the life I've had of constantly moving from place to place, I've not really understood what it means to live in community. To an extent, yes, I do understand, but moving so much, I've learned to give only so much as is necessary to carry a superficial friendship which will make for an easy goodbye when the time comes to move on.
In a way, I've crippled myself, trying to make myself self-sufficient and fully able to take care of myself and yet created a fear of any real attachment.
I think independence is good to an extent; however, I believe we were created to live in community. I think the church was meant to be God's picture of what it looks like to live in community here on earth. In reading Acts, I love the picture of the early church and the beautiful community that they had.
Being so used to moving on, attachment is terrifying.
I don't understand the concept of a "home church," and it makes me anxious sometimes due to some past experiences with churches.
God's convicted me a lot in this area.
In selfishly trying to hold on to some aspect of control and in giving in to fear of vulnerability, I've neglected to live in community as He would have me live. I've tried to walk this journey alone because I'm terrified no one will want to walk it with me.
Fear has made me guarded and afraid to both give what I have to offer and ask for help when I need it.
Essentially, it even comes down to my fear of looking to God and putting my trust in Him because I've tried to make myself fully self-sufficient.
This summer, I spent time getting to know my family again and living life with them again after not having truly lived with them since actually moving out. Part of me, worrying about next year and finding a way to pay for the extra cost of living on campus, keeps thinking it was a mistake to come home and instead I should have stayed and worked, like last summer.
And yet, at the beginning of the summer, I felt that this was where I should be, with my family, after so long apart from them. A lot of changes are happening in my family now, in my parents' ministry, with Liz leaving to CA, and moving house--I think coming home was good. We needed to be together in this season of change.
This summer was also a good time of rest, and the Lord has done so much in my heart.
I have a year and a half left of uni, and it's scary to look ahead and not know what comes next.
I've been seeking the Lord and His heart a lot this summer. Right now, I don't know what's coming up, but I know my passion lies in the Middle East, and I long to serve the Lord with all my heart. He deserves all the glory, and I feel so blessed that He gives me the opportunity to be a part of bringing His kingdom to the world.
So this year, I am continuing to learn the importance of surrendering and putting my trust in the Lord. He is so good, and I am learning what an honor and privilege it is to serve Him. I am so blessed.
I am hoping to seek intentional community, learning what it is to live as the church.
If you're reading this, I would very much appreciate it, that if I come to mind, could you please pray for the following:
Please pray for me as I look for a church that I can be a part of. Even after two years, I've attended two different churches but not found one to be a part of. This is one of my goals for this year.
Please pray for God's continued financial provision to cover the costs of  university.
Pleas pray for my family--they're going through a lot of transition and they really need support and encouragement during this time.
I'm so blessed. The Lord is good, and His goodness has been evident in my life.