18 March 2013

Identity

Faith and love guard our hearts. 
The hope of salvation guards our minds. 
1 Thessalonians 5:8
As we continue on a journey of knowing God more and finding out more of who we are in Him, the enemy, preying on the innocent, thirsting for blood, and hungering to see our downfall, would seek to steal away our very lives.  He would see the joy we have found in our new life ebb away into the drudgery of surviving day to day.  He makes war on the very core of our beings, attacking us in our must vulnerable places, that which makes us most who we are.  If he can't take our hearts, which belong to the Father, at least, he will try and cripple us, steal our identity, and yield us ineffective for the Kingdom.  If we don't know who we are, how will we know our purpose, all that is available to us?

The story of the prodigal son opened my eyes in a new way to the importance of our identity.  When the prodigal son leaves and succumbs to the lures of the enemy, he loses his identity, forgetting who he is.  Desperate to return to his father's house, he will take on the identity of a servant, if only he will be allowed back.  What a joy to see the father run and embrace his son, welcome him home, clothing his body with a robe and adorning his fingers with rings, reminding him that he is a son.  The father restores the prodigal's identity.  The older son also does not know his identity--he works himself to death to earn a father's love and doesn't realize that he already has it.  "Everything that I have is yours," says the father.  

How quickly we forget who we are! We are sons and daughters of the King of Kings, His treasured ones.  Our identity rests in Him, and rooted in Christ, our identity is unshakable.  We will always be His.  As such, everything He has is available to us! We walk with power and authority and live in light and hope and joy and love in its absolute fullness.  All of this is available to us because we are our Father's, and He is ours.  He runs to clothe us in royal robes and shower us with His love to restore our identity in Him.  

"You are mine!" He shouts for the heavens to hear, joy pouring out in the tears running down His face.  
"You are mine," He whispers into the very depths of your soul, wrapping you in the fullness of His love.  
"You are mine." 

We are His, and the enemy has no hold on us, no right to steal what the King has made rightfully ours, no authority to tell us that we are anything but what the Father has called us.  

And so we put on faith and love as a breastplate to guard our hearts.  Faith to always look to the Father, trust that He is who He has said He is and that we are His.  Faith to guard our hearts against doubt that would creep in and plant falsehoods instead of truth.  

We put on love to keep our hearts full and tender, sensitive to receive the love of the Father and love Him in return with all that we are.  We also seek to love those around us fully with the love He has poured out on us.  We put on love to guard against fear, for in His true love, there is no fear.  

And so we also put on the helmet of the hope of salvation to guard our minds.  This hope assures us that, bought with a price, we are His.  We are no longer slaves to sin and death but have been freed into a full, true life in Him.  There is hope for the present and hope for the future.  With our Father, everything is possible, and He seeks not only His glory but also our good.  Hope guards against the desperation and hopelessness of a world living in death.  

We belong to Him and to His Kingdom, and beloved of the Father, we seek to bring His love, His Kingdom to the earth, shattering lies and restoring identities, breathing life and hope into every heart.  

We are His.  

4 November 2012

Peace for Today, Hope for Tomorrow

When winds of adversity, waves of uncertainty, unknown after unknown rush towards me, will I stand firm?
I find my weak legs quaking, my heart shrinking back, my courage and vision wavering because I look at the dark unknown and let fear enter in to where it has no place.  
My heart and eyes grow heavy, and I stumble across rocky shores of change, with waves of the unknown rushing towards me from a distance.  
And all I can desire with weak legs barely keeping me standing is two things. 
Peace for today and hope for tomorrow.  
I am weary and afraid.  
I am a little human on spindly legs with no strength to hold back any storm.  
So in the midst of the dark unknown, I grope desperately in the darkness until I feel the firm grip of His hand, leading.  
The peace of His presence, firm and unchanging, allows me to rest.
And as darkness fills my vision, He casts new vision, so that hope fills the darkness with light as we dream together and walk forward into unknowns, His presence giving me peace for today and hope for tomorrow.  

18 October 2012

Greater Things

"Expect great things from God, attempt great things for God." 
- William Carey

I am on the brink of a new season of life, feeling like everything is going incredibly slow and yet whirling past me with unthinkable speed.  In two months, I will be finished with this season of college life. I will be done. How did this happen when just yesterday I was a scared little freshman terrified of living in this big country called the USA and afraid that I wouldn't be able to make American friends, feeling so awfully foreign and yet not?

As I am trudging through loads of schoolwork with a full course load as well as working part-time, time seems to be inching past me, as I long desperately for my upcoming Christmas break, when I can rejoice in being finished with school, enjoy the presence of my beautiful family whom I have not seen in a year, and get to spend time with my loving boyfriend whom I miss so very much.  Time is going...so...slowly.  
And yet, as I think back to the nervous and shy freshman overwhelmed by the size of the cereal aisle in Winco, I can't believe how quickly time has flown. 

Even as I think of the impending end to a season and wonder what is coming next as countless college graduates have done before me, I am so content in Christ.  It has not been this way much of the time. 
I am a planner and worrier, so when things are out of my control or don't go as I had planned, I become frustrated and struggle to trust my God who has proven Himself faithful over and over again in my life.  

But, thankfully, my God knows my heart better than anyone else, and even in knowing all my flaws, I am sure He lovingly rolls His eyes at me and whispers, "Sarah, don't you trust me? After all this time, don't you know I want what's best for you and am guiding you closer to me even as I lead you in life?"  He is not angry, throwing His hands up in a huff and giving up on me.  He is faithful and true and persistent in His kindness and love towards me, as well as His discipline in correcting me and setting me on the right path.  And so as I am looking towards a new season, I am challenging myself to every day rest in that.  I want to rest in His love and faithfulness, and furthermore, I want to be faithful in return.  

Right now, being the planner that I am, I am getting myself into a tizzy working up budgeting plans to pay off loans and live simply (Dutch Bros., Boba, Fast food fasts...yes, it will be rough but of course, those are luxuries of American living) as well as looking forward to the future with hope kindled in my heart, knowing the Lord has a purpose for my life, and He is leading me on a road that will draw me closer to Him and teach me how to love as He loves.  

I am expecting amazing things from an amazing God who has proven Himself faithful countless times.

But I am also attempting to do great things for His glory, doing all I can to be ready to serve Him in all that I am.  I want to invest in the place He has me in the present.
I want to be open and ready to go wherever He sends me, and I refuse to let my passion for His name or the vision and love He has given me for the nations die or be sacrificed for temporal pleasures.  My greatest joy is to know Him and know that I am exactly where He wants me, and I can rest in Him, knowing He is a good Daddy, the greatest Friend, my ever-present Comforter.  


5 October 2012

Stronger

       I would like to think I am a strong person.
      Yes, my life experience has amounted to twenty-two years of blessing, growing up in a loving home, taught to follow and love the Lord and choosing Him for myself fifteen years after my birth.  My heart has not been ravaged by the horrors of life, as so many have.  I grieve with those who have, but I cannot say that that has been a part of my own story.
      My own loss has had to do with a sense of identity, growing up with the constancy of goodbyes being my childhood, and later adulthood, companion.  Rootlessness has trailed me, as I wander through life living out of a suitcase and with the constant awareness of impending change.  My struggles has been one of finding identity and roots when everything in me screams to continue aimlessly wandering and just shift who I am to fit where I go.  I still wrestle as I strive to find my identity in Christ and put my roots down deep into Him, because it is He who has redeemed me and made His home in me so I can have a home in Him.
     My struggle has been one of learning to love with vulnerability, and wholeheartedly, as Christ loves, though my wanderer's heart cannot bear to love for fear of loss once again.  I am sure all of us are on a similar journey, learning to love even though love can bring so much heartache.  Wasn't it God's love that taught us the meaning of true love? A love that fought and pursued even when those He loved dragged Him through the streets of Jerusalem with a cross on His torn-up back and then nailed Him to that same cross, laughing as He struggled for breath to fill His aching lungs.
     I look to His love and can't help but want to cry, that He would do such a thing for me, love me in such a way.  He loved me even when I returned His love with hatred.  He loved me even when I cried out for His death.  He loved me when I taunted Him in His hour of distress.  He loves me still when I go about life as though He is not important to me.  He loves me still when I do not love Him back as I should, and I do this, yes.  I say, "I love you, Jesus," and then I just go about life, uttering a quick prayer, reading my Bible religiously and ignoring the fact that love isn't obligation but relationship.
      Yes, He loves me still.
      Even when I like to pretend that I am perfectly strong on my own, holding on to all sense of control as I try to make sense of life when it doesn't go the way I had planned, when I try to make sense of love that hurts, when I try to make sense of the chaos ravaging our world because of our own selfish ambition.
      I would like to think that I am a strong person.
      But then I realize that I really am not.  I am the one who would take everything that aches and wrap it all up inside my heart, vowing to never love because I am afraid--afraid of loss, afraid of hurt, afraid of rejection.
     I would like to think that I am a strong person.
     But when I find that I am not, I look to Him, and I know He is stronger.  His love endured the cross.  His love pursues relentlessly and does not quake in the presence of loss, hurt, or rejection, but withstands them all and continues to pour out without fail.
     So I look to His love, and in His love, I find that His presence in me enables me to love.
     So, I admit, I am not a strong person, but He is strong.
     And His love for me gives me the strength to love.  So each time I feel my weak little knees buckling, I'll draw on His love--His powerful, faithful, unending love.

5 January 2012

Love's Song

Deep beneath the skin, beneath layers of flesh, muscle, and bone--even further beneath all that which can be seen--hidden deeply rest the treasures of the heart, unspoken.
I believe that every heart carries a song, a soul cry that longs desperately to be intertwined with the melodies of the divine.
What a beautiful thing when the melodies and harmonies collide into the beautiful masterpiece of a soul redeemed, unashamedly belting its freedom song.
The song carries and resonates deep within the hidden confines of the soul, known to no one but the One who first began the song.
Sometimes, the song is strong and near.  You press your ear against His big warm chest, His arms wrapped tightly around you, and you can hear His intake of breath, heart beating rhythmically as He sings His sweet song over you.  You let your voice intertwine with His, and it is just as it should be.
Ah, how sweet!
How refreshing it is to know you are exactly where you're meant to be, in His arms, singing life's beautiful song together.

And yet, as beautiful as it is, sometimes, you find yourself far away, so far away, where the song is but a distant whisper, barely audible.
You're trudging along a tuneless path, lost, having forgotten and silenced the song deep within your soul.
But even then, something resonates deep within you, something echoes the beauty of His song, beckoning, drawing you back to loving arms that await your presence.

And then you hear it--distant but growing stronger.  His song.

And your heart comes alive once again, in showers of grace pouring out in His loving melody, washing over a weary heart and bringing you back to where you belong.
Back to His presence, back to His arms.
Back home.
Singing love's sweet and timeless melody together, for the rest of eternity.

This song has spoken so much to my heart as of late...Listen and be refreshed by His love.

6 December 2011

Stumbling Through the Mist

Sometimes I feel like I'm on a road in the middle of a dark valley, stumbling through mist so thick, I'm blinded.  I cannot see the way ahead, and the way behind me has been closed off so there's no way to go but forward.  I  try to find my way on the right path, but the fog is so thick, all I can do is stretch out my hands and walk, not knowing where the path will lead me.  I trip and fall, then stand again and try harder, squinting to see through the darkness ahead.
Sometimes I feel like I'm playing a guessing game with God.
I find myself staring intently at the mist in front of me, as though if I stare hard enough, the mist will disappear, and the future will be laid out in a perfect little path in front of me.  Go here, do this, and there will be good things for you.
Sometimes, I think that if I try hard enough, I'll guess the right answer, the bells will chime, and I'll know it's okay to proceed with that plan.
Oh, if only life were that easy.
Let me share with you something of the wonderful provision of the Lord in my life.
At the end of the summer, in planning on coming back to school, I did not have the means of paying for some of my costs this semester.  There were a lot of tearful prayer times seeking the Lord's guidance and provision and wrestling with how it all would work out.  A lot of second-guessing myself and decisions and, yes, even God.
Of course, we have an amazing and caring Father, and through both His provision and the wonderful hearts of His servants, I made it through this semester.
I look back at that time of frantic worrying (yes, I'm one of those people), and I wish I could have known that it would work out and saved myself so many tears (my mother says that God holds our tears, but mine overflow His vats).  That season stretched my faith.
And now, again, I'm at a crossroads of decision-making.  Big decision-making.
I feel like life is always a journey through season after season of dealing with unknowns.  What a reassurance to know the Lord is guiding us along the journey, but what a struggle and lesson in faith it is to trust Him along the way.
Right now, I'm struggling through decisions of what to do with my living situation next semester, where I may go for my internship next summer, getting a job for next summer, and how the Lord will work to provide for it all.  Even beyond that, what path my life will end up taking as I start my last year of school next semester and look forward to what comes afterwards.
A lot of decisions.
A lot of unknowns.
And that brings us back to the guessing game.
I am on this journey of knowing and discovering the heart of God and learning what it means to walk in His ways.
It is a difficult but beautiful journey, as I daily both learn to and actively allow Christ to work His transforming redemption in my life.
I come back to this place knowing that learning to trust Him in the things of now is but a small step preparing me to learning to trust Him in greater things.
  "The LORD makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not fall,  for the LORD upholds him with his hand." 
 Psalm 37:23-24

I find myself doing a lot of stumbling along this path.  There's been a lot of me falling to my knees or on my face, tired and not knowing where to go for the next step because the fog is too thick, and the unknown cloaked in mystery.  I sit there on the road, cry my eyes out, and at the end of all I can do, ask God to come through.  There's nothing left for me to do, and so He alone can shine.  He picks me up, takes me hand and starts leading me through the dark.  I stumble, get maybe somewhat scraped up along the way, but He mends the wounds and starts to show me that in my surrender, He is made great.  In my surrender, His good and perfect plan will prevail.  And that is a comforting thought in the midst of the unknowns.  Here we go.

27 November 2011

The Fire in the Storm

Sometimes I feel so helpless in this sea.  It's strange to think how easily my perspective can change when the atmosphere changes.  On calm waters, when I'm floating along happily, it's easy to tell God that I trust Him.  After all, there is no hardship, no need for trust, really.  Everything is just as I would like it to be.  Then, the tempest comes, and suddenly, I am tossed about in a raging ocean with nothing to hold on to.  God is there, the Rock and solid place in the midst of the storm.  And yet, trusting Him is so difficult! If I risk it and take hold of this Rock, will I slip and plunge into the depths of this raging sea?
It's strange to think that when He is all I have to hold to, it's so hard for me to crucify my pride in order to reach out and take hold of His hand, to surrender my will in order to allow His will to be done and to rescue me from the tempest in His own perfect manner.

Maybe I do reach out, take that one step of will-defying faith towards Him, but often, like Peter, I falter.  And I come back to this question, this question that torments me as the storm rages around me.  Why is it so difficult to trust Him? When neither I nor anyone around me can help me, why does it take every bit of strength to put my trust in the One who has proven Himself faithful time after time?

Then I question why.  Why am I alone in this tempest? Why is everyone else floating on calm waters while I face the angry sea alone? I begin to wonder at the love of a Father to allow His children to doggy-paddle helplessly in the midst of a raging ocean while He waits.  I wonder what He is thinking, what is His purpose in this?

I am learning to trust in His love as the Father, but I am also learning to recognize His role as Sanctifier and Redeemer.  The journey of following Christ is a process of dying to self, of having our will crucified and buried to make room for living out the Father's will in us.  And sanctification is not a calm-water process.  Gold is refined through fire.  Hearts that once dwelt in darkness and sin must need a stronger crucible than gold.  If my faith is to be refined, it is often the raging storms that play the part of the crucible, the true test of turning to the Father and surrendering to His work in and through my life.  I think the beautiful, complementing conundrum is found in realizing His role as both the sanctifying Redeemer and loving Father.  He allows us to face the crucible but is with us every step of the way.

The test lies in this: to continue to hold fast in the storm, to surrender and trust in Him even in His apparent silence amidst the raging sea, and to continue to hope.

There's a lot of unknowns in my future right now, even in the near present.  But praise the Lord, He is faithful and near.  My nature is to worry, but He is teaching me to trust.  What a beautiful thing to know that His love is unfailing and our steps are secure within His will.  I am so blessed.

"...let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water.

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful."
Hebrews 10: 22-23